Screaming

I live in an apartment complex, and one of the things I really love about it is the sense of community and availability of shared spaces. I love watching the kids run out to the playground to meet each other or walk together to the bus stop. The kids have developed a daily ritual where they all play around the mailboxes while waiting for the bus to come. It’s an enclosed space, so it feels safe, because I don’t have to worry about my daughter running out in front of a car.

One day, the children started screaming while they were running around and playing. I stood there and felt anxiety in my chest and fear in my stomach. I had flashes of memories pop into my head where, over and over again, a child would scream, and then an adult would come over to silence them. It made me feel uncomfortable. I thought to myself, “Should I be allowing this? Why is this so offensive? Is this hurting anyone?” Then I saw the glow in the childrens’ eyes and their smiles as they were laughing. This is offensive, but it isn’t bad and it isn’t hurting anyone.

It felt like freedom. Like a safe place where children can let loose and be a little wild without having someone control them. My goal in that moment was not to keep them quiet and well-behaved, but to keep them safe. One of the younger girls grabbed a stick and started to poke the other children. I walked over to her and said, “Hey, let’s not use the stick. That could poke eyes. Let’s use our hands instead.” The girl ran over and put the stick outside the mailboxes and kept playing. One of the boys took the stick and carefully moved it far away as if it was a dangerous weapon.

I stood there and forced myself to listen to the screams. I waded through the discomfort to allow the children to have a place to be loud and uninhibited. I felt emotional. The screams were healing. Over and over, we silence ourselves due to a fear of being scolded or receiving judgment. And yet, it is so important to be able to be loud sometimes, to take up space, and to be noticed. We need to have a safe place to do that, so that we can be expressive without getting hurt. This doesn’t happen naturally, but has to be intentional. This is something we all need, and it is worth protecting.